We spend a lot of time trying to change what we do. Exercise more. Learn Python. Automate the network. Speak up in meetings. Start the project. Apply for the job. Take the risk.
But we start too far downstream. Before the action comes a decision. And before the decision comes something even more powerful: who you believe you are.
Your identity quietly sets the boundaries around what feels natural, possible, or even available to you. If you believe "I'm not a programmer," learning Python feels like trying to become someone else. If you believe "I'm a network engineer who automates," opening an editor and writing a script is simply what someone like you does.
Same task. Completely different relationship with it.
The invisible decision-maker
Most of the time we aren't consciously consulting our identity. You probably don't wake up and think, "As a person who believes X about myself, I will now choose Y." You just choose Y.
That's what makes identity so powerful. It becomes a shortcut: this is who I am → this is what people like me do → this is what I do. Repeat that enough times and decisions become actions, actions become habits, and habits compound. Eventually you get something much bigger: your life.
There's a chain worth paying attention to:
Identity → Decisions → Actions → Habits → Outcomes
We usually attack the outcome. We should spend more time at the beginning of the chain instead.
"I'm trying to run" vs. "I'm a runner"
Running taught me this. There's a big difference between saying "I'm trying to run more" and "I'm a runner." The first describes something you're attempting. The second describes who you are.
Once running becomes part of your identity, skipping a run isn't just missing a workout. It conflicts with who you think you are. And every time you go running, something else happens: you cast another vote for that identity. One run doesn't make you a runner, and neither does one missed run make you not a runner. It's the accumulated evidence that matters.
This works far beyond exercise. Write some Python today? One vote for "I'm someone who can automate things." Ask the question everyone else is afraid to ask? One vote for "I'm someone willing to be vulnerable." Publish something you created? One vote for "I'm a creator." Speak at a meetup? One vote for "I'm a speaker."
The actions reinforce the identity, and the identity makes the next action easier.
That's the flywheel.
But there's a dark side
Identity can propel you forward. It can also trap you.
"I'm bad at math." "I'm not technical enough." "I'm terrible at public speaking." "I'm not management material." "I'm just a network engineer."
Be careful with sentences that begin with "I'm just…" They quietly become instructions. Once you've accepted something as part of your identity, your brain gets good at finding evidence that supports it, and stops noticing evidence that doesn't.
Our identities aren't created in a vacuum. They're shaped and reinforced by experience, repetition, the people around us, and the evidence we choose to notice. Some of those mechanisms can work for us instead of against us.
I wrote a longer piece on those mechanisms, and how to use them deliberately:
One question for this week
Instead of asking "What do I want to accomplish?" try asking "Who would I need to become for that outcome to be expected?"
Don't worry about becoming that person today. Just cast one vote.
Action creates evidence. Evidence reinforces identity. Identity influences your next decision. And enough of those decisions become a life.
/Andy